***Unedited by BPO staff
Employed
Parenthood: Do I Have a Choice?
By Joan Sprain
To work or not to work is one of the biggest
questions you and your family needs to answer when you start to
have children. If you explore all the options and make sure your
decisions match both your own and your family's values and goals,
you will probably be happier with your choice. There may also
be less stress on the family and your children will most likely
receive stronger parenting.
Parental Satisfaction
Many parents worry about the effects day care has on their children.
Research has shown that there is little difference in development,
well-being, and the happiness of a child if the following conditions
are present:
the mother and/or father is satisfied with the situation;
the mother receives both emotional and home management support
from her partner and children;
there is a good relationship between parents and child when they
are together; and the child receives good quality care when parents
are away.
Making a Decision
It is important to re-evaluate all employment decisions no matter
what they are from to time. Emotions change with the birth of
a child and continue to change as the child grows. A decision
made before birth may not fit after the child is six weeks old.
Personal Values
and Goals
Take time alone to think carefully about your ideal situation.
Identify how you could create this situation or how you might
not be able to. It is important to be true to yourself because
your happiness will influence the happiness of your child and
others around you. Ask yourself why you wish to stay home or to
work. What barriers are standing in the way of either decision?
Examples of these could include one or more of the following:
your financial situation
you or your partner's beliefs about parenting or
other people's expectations.
Identifying the above considerations
will force you and your partner to think about your attitudes
and values toward parenthood and home management. The following
questions will be important to consider:
Do you believe mothers should be the primary caretaker?
How involved do you believe fathers should be?
What are your standards regarding housekeeping tasks?
Can you let others take over those tasks when you don't have time
and then can you accept their standards?
Can you live with the stress of making daily decisions such as
those needed to get ready every morning to leave the house and
then those needed once you return at night?
Can you handle the stress of isolation if you are considering
being at home full-time?
How do you feel about sharing parenting with a non-family member?
Is your personal self-esteem strong enough so you can live with
your decision and the societal influences around you?
Is your partner also in agreement with your decision?
Will you have support from family and friends when things get
tough?
If you are currently employed how do you feel about your job?
Is it the best possible match for your skills and talents at this
time?
Would you be happier with a different job or fewer hours?
Allow yourself time to
daydream and picture the ideal situation. If you have a partner,
ask him or her to do this on his or her own too. Each of you should
be able to identify what you want and what is currently keeping
your from achieving it. Doing this will help you take charge of
your lives and work toward what you really want and need.
Shared Decision-making
The next step is to discuss the situation with those most involved.
Make a commitment to work on the decision. Plan time away from
your children and other responsibilities to focus on this communication.
(If your children are old enough you can involve them in the decision.)
Discussing the decision may take a few sessions.
Each person involved needs
an opportunity to share his or her needs with everyone else. After
this sharing, you should allow some time before the next step.
This extra time may produce more alternatives.
Try not to rule out any
suggestions when thinking of alternatives. Sometimes the most
outrageous idea can be made into a workable solution. Again, plan
a time delay to think things over.
After you follow this process
of thinking and communicating, of waiting and then talking things
over again, it is then time to select a tentative solution. Select
the solution that best meets everyone's needs and set a trial
period to determine how the decision feels. You can always change
the decision and try something else if it is not working.
Reprinted with permission from the National Network for Child
Care - NNCC. Sprain, J. (1990). Employed Parenthood: Do I Have
a Choice? Internet. Minnesota Extension Service. (www.cyfernet.mes.umn.edu/child_care/parenthood.html).
COPYRIGHT PERMISSION ACCESS::
Joan K. Sprain
Washington County Extension Office
(612) 430-6804
jsprain@extension.umn.edu
***Unedited by BPO staff
