Child Support and Alimony, What's the difference?
By Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: What’s the difference between child support and alimony?

A: Great question—too many people confuse the two or think they’re interchangeable. Let’s start with child support, which is the courts' way of making sure that your children will be provided for, whether you and your ex hate each other or not. In theory, the law recognizes that parents have a joint responsibility to provide for the financial needs of their children at least until they're eighteen (longer in some special circumstances). In reality, that responsibility falls far more heavily on fathers, who are the more often than not the ones ordered to make payments. In recent years, however, it’s getting a little more common to see mothers ordered to pay child support.

The non-custodial parent will be ordered to pay the custodial parent a certain amount every month to keep the children fed, clothed, educated, and healthy. Child support also covers more than just the basic needs. The paying parent will also have to kick in enough so the children can maintain the same standard of living—including the ballet lessons, the private schools, and the summers in Italy—they had before you and your ex split up. How much you’re actually ordered to pay depends on your income, your ex’s income, how many kids you have, and how much time they spend at each parent’s house. Here are a few important things to keep in mind about child support:

* Pay it. On time and in full. Paying late or not at all can make your children feel as though you've abandoned them. Pay it even if you're struggling to make ends meet and your ex has moved into a mansion with a new, millionaire spouse.

* Be generous. Pay as much as you can possibly afford to. If your ex needs help and you're in a position to do something for her, do it. Your kids will benefit in the long run.

* Pay by check only. In the memo section, write "Child Support," and the month and year. Putting your ex's name on a check every month may bring up all sorts of feelings. You can avoid those feelings by paying your support through your county District Attorney's office, but make sure you get a receipt—there have been plenty of reports of money not making it from the DA’s office to the person it’s supposed to go to. Whatever you do, never pay in cash. There's just too much risk of the money "disappearing."

* Keep meticulous records of every check you write, when you mailed (or delivered it), and when it cleared.

* Never use child support as a weapon. Yes, it's tempting to withhold money to punish your ex for he or she has done to you, such as interfering with your access to your children. But in lashing out at your ex, you'll be hurting yourself. In addition, as far as the courts are concerned, child support and visitation are two completely separate issues and they will not back you up if don't pay.

* No, you can't deduct it on your taxes.

Spousal Support

If you were married, you may be ordered to pay your ex spousal support (it used to be called alimony) in addition to or instead of child support. Spousal support used to be automatic in divorce cases, but today it's getting somewhat rarer. There are two basic types:

* Short term (rehabilitative) is designed to allow your ex to get career retraining, go to school, or find a job. After that she's on her own. Generally speaking, this type of support won't last any longer than the marriage did. And if the marriage lasted less than two years or if you're both young, educated, and employable, there probably won't be any payments at all.

* Long-term may be awarded when the marriage lasted a long time (usually over 10 years) and when the two of you have very different employment prospects and earning abilities.
Unlike child support, spousal support payments are tax deductible, and receipts are taxable as income. It may be to your benefit, then, to try to get a higher spousal support award and a lower child support award. But there are exceptions: If you were ordered or agreed to pay spousal support as a lump sum, the IRS may classify it as a property settlement--which is not deductible. So talk to your accountant before you start writing out your checks.

Since its debut, Armin Brott's New Father series has been making life easier--and a lot more fun--for fathers and mothers around the world. Overflowing with practical advice and month-by-month developmental descriptions (of fetus, baby and dad), the books in the New Father series also examine the roles of fathers and encourage men to continually take an active role in rearing their children. Visit Armin's website.