Custody Overview
By
Armin Brott
Dear Mr. Dad: What custody options are available
to divorcing couples?
A: Without a doubt, the most common questions newly single parents
ask have to do with child custody: where are the kids going to
live, with whom, and how much time will they be able to spend
with each parent. Two important terms are legal custody and physical
custody. The parent with legal custody is the one who's legally
responsible for making decisions about anything that affects
the health, education, and welfare of the children. The parent
with physical custody is the one with whom the child lives. Unfortunately,
too few fathers make a distinction between the legal and physical
custody and, as a result, too many end up with an unfair settlement.
Within the two broad categories of legal and physical custody,
there are a variety of different alternatives. Here are the most
common:
* Sole. One parent has complete physical and legal custody of
the children. The non-custodial parent will have limited access,
if any.
* Joint. This one is a real hodgepodge. Parents can have joint
physical- or joint legal custody, or both. Theoretically, the
word "joint" means equal rights and responsibilities,
but in most cases, children have a primary residence where they
live more than half the time. And that's usually with mom.
* Alternating or divided. Kids switch back and forth between
you and your ex, usually staying for a minimum of three or four
months at a time. This option is pretty rare and probably works
best if you and your ex live near each other so that the kids'
school and social schedules don't get too disrupted.
* Split. One or more of the kids lives with you, the other(s)
live with your ex. In addition, you'll probably have some kind
of schedule giving each of you access to the child who doesn't
live with you. Consider this option only if it's truly the only
one that's best for your children. Separating your kids from
each other just because you and your ex can't work things out
like grown-ups is nothing less than cruel.
* Bird's nest. The kids stay put while you and your ex move in
and out of the house. You and your ex will have to find someplace
else to live when you're not in the house. Again, this is a pretty
rare option. It takes a lot of cooperation and you'll need some
clear ground rules (like meet your lovers someplace else). It
can also be expensive--the two of you will have to maintain a
total of three residences.
* Other options. Serial custody gives primary legal and or physical
custody to you or your ex for a certain number of years; then
you switch. This may work if, for example, you decide you want
your teenagers to live with the same-sex parent. But it's generally
not a good idea because children need an ongoing relationship
with both parents, not just one at a time. Third-party custody
gives custody of your kids to someone other than you or their
mother, such as the grandparents or one of your or your ex's
siblings. This usually comes up only if a judge decides that
you and your wife are incompetent, abusive, or a danger to the
children.
* Combinations. Just about anything's possible: joint legal custody
but sole physical, sole legal and 50/50 physical, and so on.
Since its debut, Armin
Brott's New Father series has been making life easier--and
a lot more fun--for fathers and mothers around the world.
Overflowing with practical advice and month-by-month developmental
descriptions (of fetus, baby and dad), the books in the New
Father series also examine the roles of fathers and
encourage men to continually take an active role in rearing
their children.
Visit Armin's website.
|
