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Revolutionize Your Resolutions
By Sandy Fleming

Have you made your New Year's resolutions yet? Have you broken them yet? Resolutions are like that: Easily made and quickly broken. Many people begin to wonder why they should bother. And kids often follow the examples of those around them. They make grandiose, life-changing resolutions and then give up on them a few weeks later. In the process, they learn a few things, too. They learn that resolutions aren't all that important, that no one tries very hard to keep them, and possibly that it is acceptable to give up on tough projects. Are these the lessons that you wish to be teaching?

A pattern of expectations is set up by making and breaking resolutions. It becomes an annual exercise in mediocrity and failure. Kids quickly learn that they should set their sights low and also that resolutions aren't really very important. Instead of the life-changing tools they are intended to be, resolutions are temporary and expendable. Kids who continually make and break resolutions can even learn to see themselves as failures, unable to change even one aspect of their own lives.

What makes resolutions so difficult? There are several things. It's common to make big, sweeping resolutions, like getting better grades or keeping a bedroom clean all the time. Resolutions such as "Get in shape," or "Quit smoking" fall into this category for adults. They are certainly areas that need improvement, and they sound wonderful. The trouble is that these resolutions are too vague and broad. It's time to try something different this year.

Instead of resolutions, try writing goals and helping your children to do the same. Goals differ from resolutions in a number of ways. First, goals need to be specific. "Get better grades" might become "Raise my math grade up to a B." Goals are also observable and measurable. Using action verbs when you write them down will help. It's much easier to tell if you "Raise the math grade to a B" than to tell if you've "done better in school." A person looking on will be able to tell if the goal has been met, and there will be no doubt about what constitutes success. It's much easier to tell if a person has attained a B in math than whether his or her grades are "better." Finally, you should be able to tell what steps you need to take in order to achieve the goal. In the example, some of the steps to raise that math grade might include bringing the book home at least
three times each week or turning assignments in on time. It's important to take a look and discover these stepping stones. They lead to success and achievement!

Finally, keeping records helps, too. Make a chart or checklist and write down what needs to be done to move closer to achieving the goal. This serves at least two purposes. First of all, it will help
everyone to see progress. Secondly, keeping records will help build an attitude that allows a person to keep trying. Instead of "breaking a resolution" and giving up, goal-setters can shrug off set-backs and try again. There's another chance tomorrow or next week to be successful.

Give it a try! Turn this year's resolutions into specific and measurable goals, then make a list of the stepping stones that will help accomplish them. Help yourself and your children to feel successful by keeping records, and remember that set-backs don't mean failure. Use this system to truly improve your life and to help your children improve theirs.

Sandy Fleming is an educator, author and workshop facilitator. She resides in southern Michigan with her husband and three daughters. Sandy leads workshops for daycare providers and parents in the region, tutors students, volunteers for Girl Scouts and her church, and teaches online classes for adults and children. She loves to make new friends, so please drop her an e-mail at kids@busyparentsonline.com

 
 
 

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