Depression
Depression plagues 9.5 percent of American adults
a year. That's over 18 million people suffering from this silent
thief. I call depression a thief because it steals from the luster
and richness of what life should be. I can be counted among the
victims of depression, and for most of my life I hid it far from
everyone's sight. I finally succumbed to its grasp, not even
aware it was lying in wait for me. This is my story.
Some months ago, I experienced something that has consequently
set in motion a full spectrum of ups and downs that I could not
seem to get a handle on. One night I went to bed feeling happy
and normal; the next morning I woke up literally in tears. I
felt more down and depressed than I ever had in my entire life.
I was suddenly in this intensely dark place -- totally lost and
alone -- unable to find any apparent cause. The crying was uncontrollable
as the fog rolled in over my mind. Confusion and sadness had
become my closest companions overnight.
The tears eventually subsided within a week or so, and I was
led into a deeper and more outwardly subtle state of depression.
I remember thinking to myself, ³I don't even know why I'm
here...I shouldn't be here...I have no purpose in life.² I
couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, see any good existing around
me. I had arrived at a precipice, and was barely holding on to
reality, let alone life.
Somehow I had the presence of mind to not worry my husband and
children with the horrors racing through my mind. I turned to
the only person I trusted to understand the fear that had shadowed
my whole outlook on life: my best friend. He had so many times
before been in this same kind of dark, gripping depression himself,
that I trusted his words of advice. He understood where my head
was, and was able to get me from one minute to the next.
The fog was so thick in my mind, and my thoughts so lost, that
I couldn't remember, let alone feel, how much I was loved and
needed by those around me. Imagine not even knowing the point
of being alive! I have such a wonderful husband, beautiful children,
and caring friends and family -- but all I could feel was pain
and sadness. My friend and I talked a lot, and one tiny step
at a time, he waded through my mind's labyrinth.
As frightening as it is for me to admit this, I don't know if
I would be here right now if it weren't for the unwavering support
of my friend. He helped me to turn irrational thoughts into rational
actions, and to sort through all of the confusion. I slowly started
to find hope, and recognize the beauty that my life is. I am,
however, painfully aware that depression doesn't ever go away
completely. It is part of who I am, but for now I see the light
that peeks through and shines on my future.
I am so blessed to have someone to talk to. Someone who doesn't
judge or taunt me for my feelings, but I realize that not everyone
has this liberty. As soon as my mind gained some lucidity, I
researched the subject of depression. I found there are many
resources available for those who suffer from this affliction.
The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone
in this battle. There are others who feel what you feel, and
suffer what you suffer. One minute at a time, we can stand strong
together against the thief I call depression.
For more information on depression, or to find support, please
see the links below.
Information & Resources
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depressionmenu.cfm
http://depression.about.com/mbody.htm
http://www.depression-screening.org
http://www.depression.org
Karole Proffit, who writes under the pen name of Tabbitha Five,
is a freelance writer living in California with her husband and
three children. She spends her time homeschooling her children,
editing a music site and running a web-design company. At 31
years old, she's discovered that she wants to be a writer when
she "grows up," and spends every spare moment writing
from her heart. You can visit her website at http://tabbitha.bizhosting.com.
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