Blame It on the Hormones
Joanne Haagenson

"Don’t worry, it's just the hormones."

This is supposed to make us feel better?

Crying over the Simpsons? Can't handle your children without screaming irrationally at the oven? Bashing your keyboard into your monitor only to discover it’s not working because you haven't turned it on yet?

No problem, it's just the hormones.

Nothing can make us lose rationality faster, or make our husbands cower in fear more. Hormones have the power to change a woman from a perfectly rational person to Medusa in a split second! They have the ability to make us lose all concept of normal behavior.

It's really no wonder that women are stereotyped as being the illogical sex. Please! We don't have time to be logical. We're too busy taming these brutes that have invaded our bodies.

We have pre-menstrual syndrome, present-menstrual syndrome, post-menstrual syndrome, and ovulating hormones. There are "up too early" hormones, and "slept too late" hormones. "I'm too busy" hormones, and the "I'm bored" ones.

And pregnancy hormones! Only those could make us flip out because the honey was put away to the left of the peanut butter rather than the right. And I've heard rumors that the menopausal hormones are even worse. Fantastic... gives me something to look forward to.

During my first pregnancy, my mother took my husband and I out to dinner. We had a lovely time, stuffing our faces at the buffet, and while chatting over dessert a wave of hormones possessed my body. Not waiting for my husband was finished speaking, I fervently demanded, "I have to go home. NOW!"

What on earth could cause me to do such a thing? The hormones.

Oh, but one caveat: don't give hormones the shaft too quickly. What else could we blame when we have an overwhelming desire to read romance novels and eat chocolate all night? Or when we get up to bake cookies at 2:00 in the morning?

We blame our hormones when we’re selfish or snap at our family. They’re a great excuse when we need to sit in the dark and cry for no reason too. Hormones are our curse, but they can also be our blessing.

I think I hear a bag of M&M's calling my name, or is that just the hormones?


Joanne Haagenson is a stay-at-home mom in Southern California. A former substitute teacher, she is married to Joel, and mother of twins, Casey and McKenzie, and to Alicia.

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