BusyPARENTS AT HOME

DADDY'S HOME TOO
Rosalind Mays

Just two weeks ago at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, a key slipped into a locked door. The doorknob turned and my husband walked into his own home. All three of our children turned their heads and watch in surprised as their father moved through the living room.

The two-year-old said, "Daddy?" clearly surprised in seeing him.

The four-year-old said, "Hey, what are you doing home?" and frowned as if to say, this isn't right!

Our six-year-old yelled, "Mom! Something's wrong. Daddy's home and the sun is still up!"

My husband stopped in his tracks, looked at me and didn't even try to hide the hurt in his eyes. In a low, sad voice he said, "This is the reason why I envy you. Even though the juggling act you do is exhausting, at least your kids aren't surprised when you walk into your own home."

My husband wants to be a stay-at-home dad -- really badly.

I hate to say this but, ladies we have been extremely sexists in the topic of working from home. You heard me: we're damned sexist and unfair. It seems that the topic of working at home is a ‘female’ concern.

It has become the heroic option that mothers use to make an income (modest or abundant) and at the same time care for their children. Boy, are we full of it!

The topic of staying at home and working from home is not just a concern for just women. There are men that would like to and actually do stay at home with their families. Radcliffe Public Policy Center found in an informal study that 4 out of 5 men aged 21 to 39 with families say having a work schedule that allows for time with family is the most important goal in their lives.

My husband's dream mirrors the Radcliffe study. His dream is to work at home at least 50% of the time, while I would continue to work full-time at home. His ultimate dream would be a work-at-home family while the children are very young and need us most. But he's worried about the particular problems that stay-at-home dads face:

Bring Home the Bacon Drop-Out Syndrome (or corporate drop-out): The whispers from his colleagues, from his friends that commute 2 hours one-way every day that he wasn't man enough to cut it. Even though we know that real men don't follow the herd and that a real man cuts his own path to success. But the whispers still hurt.

Slave Driver or (Work Pimp) Syndrome: "Look at him, he stays at home while he sends is wife off everyday to commute 2 hours to work." Many people have the misconception that these guys are staying at home, doing nothing and making their tired working wives come home and clean the house and take care of the kids. When in fact the work-at-home dad is doing two jobs (or more) jobs.

Kept man syndrome: He can't take care of himself. Would the same people that think he's a kept man say that to a woman in the same position? Is the only purpose the male of the family have is to bring home the paycheck?

Re-run watcher syndrome: "He doesn't really work. The kids are in school most of the day. Who does he think he's fooling? He just sits around and watches TV all day."

In-Law Distain syndrome: "What good for nothing man stays at home while my daughter works?" Talk about feeling uncomfortable at the in-laws during holiday dinner!

HOW TO COMBAT THOSE VIEWS

It's very important that these Dads have what we have found in abundance, a network of like-living individuals of the same gender, in other words, other guys living the stay-at-home dad life. My job as a work-at-home mother is to make sure these dads connect with others that wish to or that are doing what I am doing. Helping their families out financially while being there for their kids.

Below is my effort to rid us all of the above syndromes. Hopefully, you work-at-home dads out there will grow in number and overcome:

RESOURCES FOR DADS

Articles:

Confessions of a Working Dad www.fathersworld.com/fatherhood/article.cfm?template=soho& article_id=29

WAHD Mailing List - "provides networking amongst other work at home dad" www.fathersworld.com/mail.html

Realities of Work at Home www.slowlane.com/articles/work_at_home.html

For Work-at-Home Dads -"the Entrepreneurial Parent"
en-parent.com/EPcenters/WAHD-intro.htm

 

Networking with Other Stay At Home Dads:

Online Resource for Stay-At-Home Dads www.slowlane.com

Mr. Mom's Place http://mrmomshelp.hypermart.net

Daddy's Home www.daddyshome.com/

At-Home Dad Newsletter /www.athomedad.com/

 

Internet Search Terms: Use these search terms at any search engine that you favor and get more information on father's working from home:

Work-at-home Dad (Daddy, Father)

Daddy's Home

Home Business & Dad's

Stay at Home Dads

House Fathers

Work at Home Dad

 

Rosalind Mays, best-selling author of The Real Deal on Telecommuting, and co-author of "Get Your Money Back!  Stop Scammers and Save Your Dollars," works at home as an Internet Researcher.  Go to: www.siennapublishing.com to learn more about her books. Visit http://telecommuting.cjb.net for a free list of telecommuting jobs compiled monthly.  She may be reached via e-mail RozMW@aol.com. Copyright © 2000-01 Rosalind Mays.  All Rights Reserved. 

 

First published on BPO July 2001